When you have a child around, it’s common to see them get upset or angry when they don’t get what they want. A simple wish can quickly turn into a tantrum, with crying and howling when it’s unmet. But when their desires are fulfilled, their faces light up with a big grin.
Parenting isnt easy, and parents often find themselves criticised no matter what they do. If they give in to their childs demands, they’re accused of spoiling them. If they refuse, theyre labelled as heartless or uncaring.
But the question here is: should parents give in to their child’s stubbornness and anger, or is there a better way to navigate these moments?
Dr Sarthak Dave, an Ahmedabad-based psychiatrist, tells India Today that kids become stubborn and express their anger loudly because they absorb behaviours from their surroundings and consider them normal. If they frequently observe their parents displaying anger or reacting loudly, they learn to replicate this behaviour, believing it to be acceptable.
He explains, “At a young age, their idthe instinctual drive to fulfil their desiresis very strong, while their ego (logical reasoning) and superego (moral understanding) are still underdeveloped and grow with age and experience. When children want something, they struggle to think logically or anticipate the consequences of their actions. If they dont get what they want, they feel distress and express it in ways theyve learnt from their environment.”
Additionally, if theyve previously received what they wanted by acting out, this behaviour gets reinforced, encouraging them to repeat it.
Further, Riddhi Doshi Patel, a Mumbai-based child psychologist and parenting counsellor, tells us that kids can be stubborn or loud because they dont yet have the words or skills to express their emotions or because they feel ignored or misunderstood by adults.
She mentions that these outbursts are their way of coping with emotions they cant fully control or explain.
According to Patel, while kids do learn from their environment and often replicate their parents, stubbornness is also a natural part of development as children learn to assert themselves. It doesnt always mean parents are at fault.
A childs stubbornness, anger, and loud reactions are often ways of acting out due to their limited ability to handle emotions and distress.
“These behaviours indicate that the child may not yet be developing the emotional tools needed to cope effectively. If such reactions are not addressed or discouraged, they can become ingrained as primitive defence mechanisms, suggesting that the childs emotional growth is not progressing as it should,” says Dr Dave.
Meanwhile, Patel feels that stubbornness and anger are signs that a child:
– Is seeking attention, understanding, or control.
– May be feeling overwhelmed, insecure, or unsure how to handle a situation.
– Is in a stage of development where theyre learning to test limits and establish independence.
According to the experts, if left unchecked, constant anger and stubbornness can lead to issues such as difficulty managing emotions later in life, strained relationships with peers and family, and increased feelings of frustration or anxiety.
Parents should make sure they are not rewarding such behaviour. By rewarding them, you are feeding stubbornness and anger, and this will only increase the tantrums. Source: India Today
How to manage your child’s anger and stubbornness?
